You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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