That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
