He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
