So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
