I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It's never too late to be topless.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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