I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
