I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
