my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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