Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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