guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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