Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
