You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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