You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
