I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
