She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
