So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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