i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
