I think i peed on brittanys purse
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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