I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
