READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
