i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
