Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
