Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
She said her name was "party"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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