So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
