your parents love me but you hate me
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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