Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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