Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
