Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
