I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
