Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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