Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
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I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
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The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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