Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
