Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
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i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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