Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I don't think brook has ever known best
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
