I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
