I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
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My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
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I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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