My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She announced her abortion via fbk
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
