I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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