I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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