Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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