Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
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It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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