just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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