he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
