Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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