The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
