How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Randomize
