No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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