there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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