He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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