Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So much rum. So many feels.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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