I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
