Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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