My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize