i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
