you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
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