Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
