may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
