Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Are my feet made of real feet?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
