this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize