R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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