so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
