At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
