Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
