you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
