just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
