is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
