My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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