Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.

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(303): you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it. http://tfl.nu/a3f5

Replies (9) Good night (710) Bad night (4222)
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(518): View more from New York

woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so

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(518): woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so http://tfl.nu/1jbm

Replies (6) Good night (6950) Bad night (561)
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(585): View more from New York

My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.

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(585): My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life. http://tfl.nu/28dk

Replies (54) Good night (1590) Bad night (4641)
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(618): View more from Illinois

It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.

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(618): It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days. http://tfl.nu/kqbj

Replies (9) Good night (1460) Bad night (3210)
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(720): View more from Colorado

i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.

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(720): i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out. http://tfl.nu/xm4r

Replies (13) Good night (3749) Bad night (1268)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.

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(617): Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex. http://tfl.nu/9jjl

Replies (4) Good night (4058) Bad night (919)
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(214): View more from Texas

Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.

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(214): Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more. http://tfl.nu/1w8z

Replies (18) Good night (5517) Bad night (954)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio

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(617): The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio http://tfl.nu/9d6t

Replies (10) Good night (3450) Bad night (738)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.

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(732): I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that. http://tfl.nu/uw0f

Replies (1) Good night (1353) Bad night (497)
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(775): View more from Nevada

A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian

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(775): A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian http://tfl.nu/crio

Replies (2) Good night (1787) Bad night (395)
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(585): View more from New York

Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?

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(585): Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today? http://tfl.nu/z6wh

Replies (13) Good night (1308) Bad night (594)
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(647): View more from Ontario

I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.

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(647): I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me. http://tfl.nu/s96j

Replies (4) Good night (926) Bad night (361)
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(256): View more from Alabama

Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.

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(256): Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people. http://tfl.nu/64sc

Replies (1) Good night (820) Bad night (216)
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(734): View more from Michigan

Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?

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(734): Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join? http://tfl.nu/rgcj

Replies (6) Good night (724) Bad night (240)
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(831): View more from California

my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.

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(831): my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate. http://tfl.nu/8t7a

Replies (1) Good night (621) Bad night (259)

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