69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.