9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
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He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.