If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...