Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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