Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
