im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.