Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
