i think i have herpe
just one?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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