Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
