I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
