he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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