My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
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sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
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Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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