Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
