i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
