So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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