This dress was meant to end up on your floor
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
