New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
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He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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